The Tekken Valentine Special: Kazuya's Return
by Caligula II
Summary: A sequel to The Tekken Christmas Special. Ever since Jin dumped Xiao he's been feeling lonely. With Valentine's day just around the corner, Kazuya decides to act like a responsible father and find his boy a girl.
1. Visiting Hours

**Hon, hon. I am back. Now I start the long antcipated Tekken Valentine Special. Until this is over, all my other fanfics are put on indefinite hold.**

**If you haven't read The Tekken Christmas Special, it doesn't matter as the only thing related to it is the pilot chapter. **

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It was another peaceful day at Legaly Sane rehabilitation facility, when one of the patients was stroling through the hospital grounds. This was Kazuya Mishima. 

Kazuya has been here for two months, ever since he hosted a TV Christmas special, fueled by the sudden appearance of the Santa gene. After the show, he was brought to the assylum so he could get rid of his Santa gene and have the Devil gene reinserted.

He had one visitor at the moment, namely his son, Jin Kazama.

"So, tell me Jin, how's your mom doing?" asked Kazuya.

"Fine. She is getting along fine now, and is no longer into feminism." responded Jin nonchalantely.

"Good." nodded Kazuya. "What about you? How are things with Xiao?"

"I dumped her." said Jin, obviosly unafected.

"How come?"

"She is a friggin' baby. Can't I find a girlfriend who is mature and loveable?" complained Jin.

"Awww..." awwed Kazuya. "You know, I know this girl, she's..."

"Shut it dad!" interupted Jin. "You remember what happened the last time you tried to help me?"

"So what? I had a little fun."

"You tried to hug Marshal Law on television."

"Mmmmmmmm..." hummed Kazuya pleasurably.

"Stop it dad! Just try not to ruin my life once in a while." said Jin and left.

Kazuya returned to the loony bin and took a look at the calendar.

"Hmm... thirteenth of February." and immediately got an idea. "Yes, it is Valentine's day tommorow! I could get Jin a new and improved girlfriend."

And he immediately rushed to a phone where he ordered a large shipment of something.

The next day, Kazuya received a squadron of JACKs via e-mail and several sealed boxes of something.


	2. The City of Love

**AN: Ahem... Me back.

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It was another cheerful evening in Paris, when a curvaceous young man was romancing with a blonde girl whose name was Lili in one of Paris' many romantic cafes.

"Hon, hon. Your eyes, they are so beautiful." spoke the guy in a romantic fashion and a Francophonic accent.

"I can't let go of your hand." spoke Lili in an even more romantic fashion.

"Our love, was once a spark, but now... it is a flame. A big furious flame." said the guy, while getting close to Lili's face. "Ah, I can feel it now. It is...burning, burning, BURNING!"

"Your hand carresses..." started Lili.

"Yes, your bosom and your asses." and they kissed passionately for a minute, before the guy violently broke of, screaming in pain.

"Sacre Bleu! Who put a dart in my asses?" shouted the guy as he yanked the dart out of his butt.

"I did." said a cheesy voice behind him. The guy and Lili turned to see Kazuya Mishima and a squadron of JACKs.

Kazuya ceirtanly wasn't his usual evil self. He wore a Roman toga and had a bow. He also had a bunch of arrows with heart-shaped arrowheads. The JACKs surrounding him were all wearing togas, and were equipped with heart-shaped missiles.

"Kazuya Mishima." said Lili in suprise. "We meet again."

"I prefer Kazzy Cupid." said Kazzy Cupid in a stupidly gay way. "Suprised to see me?"

"Suprised to see you wearing a dress." sneered Lili.

"It's not a dress! It's a toga!" shouted Kazzy in indiscretion.

"Whatever." said Lili. "Now what did you do my boyfriend?"

"Aha, I thought you'll never ask!" rejoiced Kazzy in happyness. "I hit him with a love arrow, causing him to become inexplicably love-crazy."

"He already was." said Lili.

"Oh... Then I suppose he would become more loveable." remarked Kazzy.

At that precise moment, the guy started singing.

_L' musique, ces fantastique_

_Ces l' tham, l' revolution_

_Es l' femme, l' tres joulis_

_tres joulis, comous l' bonbon._

After that he tried to make out with Lili who murderized his asses.

"Why did you murderize his asses?" asked Kazzy.

"He was overly cheesy for a tough girl like me." said Lili.

"Ok. How about this. Now that you don't have a boyfriend, how 'bout you hook up with my boy Jin?" asked Kazzy.

"I hate that motherfucka!" shouted Lili.

"Come on... he's a good boy. Plus, he is looking for a mature and independent girl, like you." said Kazzy.

"I don't think you know anything about me, dude. I am a 17 year old daddy's girl." said Lili in defence.

"Who is your daddy?" asked one of the JACKs with a Schwarzenegger accent.

"None of your damn buisness, actor-turned-politician!" shouted Lili.

"I will now unleash my fury on you." said the JACK as it attacked but Lili kicked him in the shin. He shot her with a pistol and she was shattered to pieces.

"Asta la vista baby." he said, but the Lili pieces put themselves together and she murderized the JACK.

"Oh...This isn't Rio, right?" asked Kazzy stupidly as he noticed the landmarks.

"No, it is Paris!" shouted Lili, annoyed.

"Ces le fou l'American!" shouted the guy.(**AN: This translates into "These Americans are crazy!" Sorry about my repulsively horrible French)**

"Hey, how can you speak if you are murderized?" asked Kaz stupidly.

"I didn't murderize him, I murderized his asses!" explained Lili.

"Wait... His butt is dead but the rest of him not?" asked Kazzy.

"Even a drunken brain dead monkey could understand that!" shouted the guy.

"Ah..." Kazzy paused so he could understand the message. "Ewwwww! I do NOT want to picture that!" and without further ado, he ran away.

"I'll be back." said the JACKs and left after Kazzy.

"Good riddance." said Lili as she hauled the guy, who couldn't walk because his asses were dead.


	3. Dragunov and Kalasnikov

It was a chilly evening in Moscow, as Sergei Dragunov and Nina Williams were dancing all alone on the snow covered Red Square.

"Vat say you, krasnaya?" asked Sergei. "Shall ve make the out?"

"Haha, you are so fucking dirty!" said Nina, who had a New Jersey accent.

"Ahh, Nina. You are strong as bear, and nice as svaan." recited Sergei. "And as sexy as old high-school biology teacher."

"Stop it, ya beast." flirted Nina.

"And you turn me on ven you shoot. Especialy ven you shoot me. " continued Dragunov, and looked in her eyes intensely.

"Like I did for Christmas? That was fucking good!" and they made out for about a minute, before Dragunov broke off.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwww! Vho put dart in butt?" asked Sergei as he plucked a dart out of his butt.

"I did." said Kazzy Cupid as he landed with his JACK squad nearby.

"So, you again, comrade Kazzy." said Dragunov with a wary voice as he eyed Kazzy.

"Yes, me... and my Lovefying Jackupid Squad." said Kazzy in a TV anchorperson voice.

"What did you do to Serg, ya fucking faggot?" asked Nina as she whipped out am AK-47.

"Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!" laughed Kazzy maniacaly. "I hit him with a powerful love dart which will make him a lover of unimaginable proportions."

"That's it, paisan! Say hello to my Kalasnikov!" shouted Nina as she fired an entire clip at Kazzy, but he dodged all the bullets, again.

"Your weapon is outclased." stated a Jackupid with a Schwarzenegger accent. "You will be terminated."

"Hey, Serg. I'm getting pinched over here!" whispered Nina to Sergei who was just standing up straight.

"Now you will see the effects of my love dart." exclaimed Kazzy in triumph.

But instead crazily kissing Nina and getting all cheesy, Dragunov calmly pulled out a bottle of Vodka and took a swig.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Kazzy. "You were supposed to be overcome with the spirit of Valentine's day."

"I am overcome by Votka. In Russia, ve don't celebrate Valentin. Ve celebrete Triphun, protector of people vho get drunk." stated Dragunov as he calmly continued his getting drunk.

"Whooa, culture shock!" shouted Kazzy. "We need to assimilate him! Bring out the Lovefyer Super Aphrodisiac Cannon!" he ordered the Jackupids.

"Affirmative." and they brought out the LOVE SAC.

"Hold it, ya fucking dipshit!" shouted Nina. "Nobody shoots my man... except me." she added after a pause, and she fired her Kalasnikov, destroying a Jackupid.

"Now I know why you cry." said the Jackupid as it died.

"Retreat, minions!" shouted Kazzy as he and the Jackupids retreated.

"That's it, run ya pussy! And I don't want to see ya on my turf ever again! Capiche?" shouted Nina after them.

"Hey...hic... Nina my fragile cov." started Dragunov in a drunken voice. "Let's get hic, drunk."

"Fuck! You're so wasted!" stated Nina as she slapped him.

"Da... camarad Dragunov... veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy drinkie!"

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**AN: Da, comrade Caligula deliver. Just for the record, Triphun is realy celebrated in Russia.**


	4. Battle of The Bands

**AN: Soo... aftter a weeklong of splitting headaches, me back again.**

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It was a cheerful morning in New Orleans, Louisiana. A jazz band was playing some real music instead of that hip-hop crap that currently occupies most of the mass media. In the midst of that meddley was Michelle Chang. 

Now, even though Michelle was (much) older than 40, she was still incredibly hot in that funny way in which women from video games never lose their sex appeal. So she drew the horny looks of men and women alike wherever she went.

Little did Michelle know that she was stalked by none other than Ganryu.

Although Ganryu was (very) fat, he was as sneaky as a ninja, so Michelle did not notice him until he rudely bumped into her.

"Hey, watch where you're going, fatass!"

"Heyloo, lover." said Ganryu.

"I'm not your lover, you stalker!"

"But you can become my lover."

"No fucking way! No get outa here before I Kempofy your fat ass!" threatened Michelle, but before she could Kempofy his ass, a dart flew through the air and hit the said ass. But there was so much gelatine, that the arrow rebounded and hit a Jackupid.

"Oh... Bummer!" said Kazzy Cupid.

"_Why don't you come and share your hardware with meeee?_

_We're programed for each other, can't you seeeeeeeeee?_

_And my techno-soul begs for your heaaart,_

_although you were purchased at Wal-Maaaaaaaart" _sang the Jackupid and all the others sang along like some idiotic boy band.

"Hey, shut your godamn' mouth boy!" shouted the bossman of the jazz orchestra with a southern accent.

"Affirmative." said the Jackupids in their usual voices.

"That whatchu' singin' ain't no music! Tha's just sum no good puh-bllee-cee-tee stunt! This wha music is!" said the bossman and his crew immediately started playin' sum real music.

"AAAAAHhhh!" shouted Kazzy in pain. "I am alergic to quality music! Quick, minions! Neutralize them!"

"Affirmative." said the Jackupids and neutralized the jazz orchestra by punching their faces in.

"Ahh, that's much better." exhaled Kazzy in relief. "Now play somthing I like." he ordered the lovefyed Jackupid.

"Affirmative." said the Jackupid and started singing.

_My bra size is a secret I keep closely_

_And this secret is known only to my darling_

_But if he tells his pant size to a different woman_

_Than I tell my bra size to another man._

But before the horrible tune could place any more disturbing images in everyone's head, Michelle murderized the Jackupid.

"I am terminated." it calmly stated as it died.

"Aww, you cut out the music." complained Kazzy.

"That was bullshit!" shouted Michelle. "If that's music, than I'm a horse's ass!"

"Whoo...you talk so dirty." said Ganryu in a seductive voice.

"Shut up fat fuck!" shouted Michelle at the said fat fuck before turning back to Kazzy. "Now, why are you here? And what's with the dress?"

"It's not a dress! It's a toga!" shouted Kazzy back.

"Sure looks like a dress." stated Ganryu.

"Weren't you supposed to be in that loony bin?" asked Michelle.

"Ah that..." Kazzy paused as if trying to remember something very important. "I got out for good behaviour."

"I wouldn't let you go if you were Mother Theresa!" shouted Michelle irritably.

"Well... Enough about that. I am here to fill your life with love." said Kazzy and the Jackupids readied their LOVE SAC.

"Fuck Off And Die!" shouted Michelle and she destroyfyed the LOVE SAC.

"Oh no, we have been thwarted once again!" screamed Kazzy like a little bitch. "Retreat!"

"I'll be back." said the Jackupids.

Alas it was peaceful when Ganryu approached Michelle and said:

"You know, I know your bra size. That means I'm your darling."

"Fuck you, asshole!" shouted Michelle as she kickafyed Ganryu's huge ass.

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**AN: This chap is written in honor of Hugh Jazz. Remember his good deeds.**

**Have a nice day.**


	5. Breaking News

**AN: Yo, weery cool idea now.**

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Jin was watching TV at home. There was nothing but comertials, news and a documentary on cooking practices. Jin was grudgingly watching the lesser of three evils which were the news. 

"In the world news," spoke the anchorpesron. "Borat marries Paris Hilton. The couple got married in a lawish ceremony with strippers of both sexes. As they were driving over to the airport to their honeymoon destination, they ran over George W. Bush. The car was driven by Mrs. Hilton Sagdyev at the time. She claims that Bush hit her car, and she will press charges for property damage."

"Sylvester Stalone was arrested today after he blew up Arnold Schwarzenegger's manshion. The governor used all his power to have Stalone sent to the chair. Unfortunately, the perpetrator escaped Rambo style and is on the run. Local law enforcement and federal agencies are searching for him."

"Jack Thompson, the infamous lawyer who campaigned against video games, was lapidated during his visit to Detroit today. The perpetrators are allegedly an underground society of horny gamers who have stalked Mr. Thompson for over eight years. The local police failed to respond as they were playing GTA San Andreas at the time. Chief Hornowsky claims to have played Hot Coffee 95 times in a row."

"Fucking celebrities!" swore Jin. The news continued.

"This just in. An unidentified person whose hair looks like a traffic cone is reportedly flying around the world with a squadron of heavily modified JACK-5 units, lovefying people. Be alert, this unidentified person is unstable and dangerous!"

"Oh no." exclaimed Jin. "Dad."

Jin rushed over to the phone and dialed Steve Fox's number. He waited for almost 17 minutes befor Steve picked up.

"Oy, why does the phone always ring when I'm in the shower?" asked Steve.

"It's the way life is, deal with it." responded Jin.

"Jin, ol' chap. To what do I owe the honour?"

"Steve, we have code red!"

"What in bloody hell does that mean, guv?"

"My dad is at it again."

"At what?"

"Insanity."

"I don't get it."

"He's fucking flying around the world with JACKs, lovefying people."

"He's done it before?"

"NO! But that's serious. We gotta stop him."

"Why?"

"RROROROOAERRRRRRRRRR!!! GET YOUR BLONDE BUTT HERE THIS INSTANT!!!" shouted Jin in rage.

"Oy, if you ain't no gent, than catch 'im on yer own!" shouted Steve and hung up.

Jin stood with the phone in his hand. Steve was ignoring him. There was only one solution. He dialed again.

"GANRYU! If you don't stop calling, I'm gonna murderize your ass!" shouted an angry woman over the phone.

"Uhhmm... Hi it's Jin." said in a shaky voice, obviosly scared. "Is Julia home."

"Jin! Hey it's Julia's mom. Yeah, she's home. Wait a moment. Jullliiaaaaaaa!"

"Whaaaaatt?" asked Julia over the phone.

"Theeeere's a friend calllling you on the phooooooone."

"Whhhhhhooooooooo issss it?"

"Jiiin."

After that Jin could have sworn that he heard fast steps and a "omg how do i look"

"Yo, Jinny." said Julia over the phone. "Are you asking me on a date?"

"Hell no! I need your help."

"Well I ain't doing your homework again."

"No, not that kind of help. See my dad's gone mental again."

"And what should I do about it?"

"Well, help me get him to his senses."

"Hmm... what's in it for me?"

"You help you friend."

"I mean besides that."

"You get to hang out with me."

"Interesting. I'll be right over. Byeeee."

"Yeah." said Jin as he hung up.

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**AN: Hon hon. If any of the celebrities mentioned read this, it's this way because I like you. Except George W. I don't like you.**

**R&R**


	6. Return of the FBILG

**AN: Pretty bad time to hit a dry period. What the hell... I'm back.**

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Lee and Hwoarang were on a date, for the first time since Hwoarang came out. At the moment, they were feeling the spirit of Valentine. They were hanging out by a river in good ol' China. 

"Sweety, why don't we take a swim?" asked Lee.

"It's February. And don't call me 'sweety'. It sounds very gay." responded Hwoarang.

"Aren't we too?" asked Lee.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." said Hwoarang and he gave Lee a gentle kiss.

"Hey..." started Lee but was hit by a dart in his butt. "Owww! That hurt, you meanie!"

They turned to see Kazzy Cupid and his Lovefying Jackupid Squad.

"What do you want now, Kaz?" asked Lee.

"The name is Kazzy. And I want to create a Valentiny mood here." stated Kazzy.

"Okay, Kazzy." said Lee, while emphasising the 'Kazzy'. "Would you mind abandoning this location. I am trying to have a date."

"Ohh, a date." said Kazzy happily. "Who's the lucky gal?"

It became obvious to Lee that Kazzy did not know about his prefferances.

"Kazzy my dimwitted brother. Haven't I already told you that I'm gay."

"Huh? Who is that loser next to you?" asked Kazzy who obviosly didn't catch the previous remark.

"It's Hwoarang, Jin's friend." said Hwoarang in a 'duh' fashion. "I came out in your show two months ago."

"Wait, the guy with the weight problem?" asked Kazzy as he tried to remember in vain.

"Nah, that was Ganryu. I'm the biker who thought a crate of beer would be a nice christmas present." tried Hwoarang helping. "I got my arse kicked by Asuka."

"Who's Asuka?" asked Kazzy.

"That tough girl that likes to punch guys."

"Aww..." Kazzy tried to reminsce. "Paul Phoenix's Tekken 3 equivalent?"

"Well... if you put it that way."

"Enough about that." interupted Lee. "Kazzy, can't you see that you are interfering with my romantic ways."

"Wait a moment..." Kazzy thought. "He's your date?!"

"Indeed. And we were having such a splendid time, before you and your dimwitted henchmen showed up." responded Lee.

"I am not dimwitted. You are just a girly man." said one Jackupid.

"That's quite enough." said Lee calmly as he Jeet Kun Doed the Jackupid's arse. The other Jackupids promptly attacked him.

"Take this girlie-man." they said as they fought.

"Assistance, please. Assistance." called Lee, and Hwoarang joined the fight.

"Hmm..." thought Kazzy, unavare of the ruckus near him."So if Lee is what's-his-face's date, than it means that Lee and what's-his-face are gay." he paused, and reacted violently. "Ewww! I do NOT want to picture that! Jackupids! Bring out the Straightifying Balista!"

"Affirmative." said the Jackupids and they left the ruckus to bring out the said weapon.

"Ready! Aim!" ordered Kazzy as the Jackupids aimed the balista at Hwoarang. "Fire!"

The projectile shot towards Hwoarang, but Lee jumped in it's way and took the shot.

"NOOOOOOO!" shouted Hwoarang in anguish. "Lee, my darling, my sweetheart, my splendor!"

"Oh, Hwoarang. I start seeing things." Lee spoke with difficulty. "Images of female bosom and beer invade my head. I can't appreciate art, I'm drawn to hip-hop! I ain't feeiling comfortable again. Oh no! I speak American!" Lee tried to cry but was unsuccseful. "Oh, no! I can't express emotion any more! My machismo is taking over. Help meeeeeee!" Lee's beautiful voice was replaced by an ugly masculine grunt.

"Lay of me you fag!" shouted Lee, quite rudely.

"What have you done to him?" asked Hwoarang in pain.

"Simply made him straight." stated Kazzy. "Don't worry, you'll join him soon."

But Kazzy was cut short by a calm voice that said his real name.

"Mr. Mishima. You are becoming something of a nuisance, Mr. Mishima."

Kazzy and the Jackupids wheeled to see three FBI Looking Guys behind them.

"You again." said Kazzy in a wary way.

"Not exactly." said the top FBILG. "We are Agents Johnson, Jackson and Thompson. The upgraded FBILG."

"So... Parau api?" asked Kazzy.

"You have eloped us for too long, Mr. Mishima. Now we shal aprehend you." stated Johnson calmly.

"You will have to fight me." said Kazzy.

"It will not be easy." said Johnson.

"We have lost before." started Jackson. "But he is still..."

"...only human." finished Thompson.

After that they got into a fight. The Jackupids and Kazzy fought the Agents and Lee and Hwoarang were randomly playing dumb cuz the author of this fanfic got bored of them.

Needless to say that Kazzy got his arse kicked and the Jackupids were scrambling to save him.

"I am programed to protect you." stated the Jackupids.

"Retreat! We must get to Rio!" shouted Kazzy, and the Jackupids flew him away.

"I wonder what's in Rio?" wondered Agent Johnson.

Meanwhile, Julia and Jin were pursuing Kazzy towards Rio.

"Hey Jin, how do we know that your dad's in Rio?" asked Julia.

"You know, it's rather rude to discuss the plotholes." said Jin.

"You seem to know a lot about this fanfic." stated Julia.

"Yup. It's my curse, being all-knowing." said Jin.

"Yeah. Yo you catch that bit about Borat getting married? Who would have thought?" Julia started a normal conversation.

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**AN: Yo, goody. **


	7. Till Divorce Do Us Part

**AN: Yup, my depression is over big time. **

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It was the happiest day of Christie's life. She would finaly marry Eddy. Exactly on Valentine's day. It was so perfect. 

They were just approaching the altar, where the reverend King was waiting for them.

"Roar... roar growl growl roar purr growl." said the reverend King.

"Roarroarwer roar growl roar low growl purr grunt?" he asked.

"I do." said Eddy.

"Rawr roar sexy growl purr growl roar low growl purr purr?" asked the reverend.

"I do." said Christie.

"Rowr roar wroear growl purr roar purr purr, roar growl growl or groar grunt."

"Waaaaaaaaaait! I objeeeeeeeeeeeect!" shouted someone.

That someone just landed with a squadron of heavily modified JACK-5s. Their hair resembled a traffic cone and they were wearing a toga.

"Roar growl wrooar angry roar?"

"It's not a dress! It's a toga!" shouted the dude in indiscretion.

"Rooar confused purr. Growl roar purr roar roar growl low growl?" aked the reverend.

"My name is Kazzy Cupid and I am here to stop this marriage from happening."

"Roar growl roar roar purr purr?"

"Cuz Christie is just so like ma boy Jin. This dreadlocked mothafucka does not deserve her."

"Whatchu say, nigga?" asked Eddy like a gangsta.

"Yo ain't gonna steal ma boy's bitch, bitch!" tried Kazzy to be a gangsta.

"Yo, I'ma murderize yo ass, nigga!" threatened Eddy.

"Me and ma fine ass Jackupids gonna fuck up yo mothafucka nigga bitch shit motherass arse, bitch!" shouted Kazzy as he and the Jackupids readied for a fight.

"Yo gonna be sorry yo fucked wit da Eddy man! Yo gonna go home in a bodybag, nigga." said Eddy as he and his gangsta bodyguards readied for a fight.

"We're gonna murderize yo bitch arses, niggas!" shouted the gangstas.

"You are Terminated." said the Jackupids.

The Jackupids started playing 'SMACK THAT' by Akon feat. Eminem as they smacked the gangstas. Needless to say that the gangstas got their gangsta asses murderized.

"Yo never getting me, bitch!" shouted Eddy.

"I think you have another thing coming." said a cold voice from behind.

"Do you have to always appear like that?" asked Kazzy as he turned to see the three FBILG.

"Yes." said Agent Johnson.

"Well it's getting old." complained Kazzy.

"Whatchu want, whitebread?" asked Eddy.

"Well if it isn't Eddy Gordo, A.K.A. The Player, A.K.A. Mr. Swoop. A.K.A. Don Gordolone." said Agent Johnson calmly.

"What if a am, bitch!" shouted Eddy.

"Then I strongly suggest that you surrender yourself." stated the Agent.

"An what if da Eddy man says no?" asked da Eddy man.

The Agents exchanged self-important looks as they proceeded to kick Eddy's ass. They slapped the cuffs on him after they defeated him. Then they turned on Kazzy.

"Now for the real bust." stated Agent Johnson. "Mr Mishima. I suggest you come with us."

"Nope." said Kazzy.

"Then we will be forced to subdue you." said Agent Johnson as the Agents whipped out their Desert Eagles and fired at Kazzy. The problem was that Kazzy dodged their bullets...again.

"How do you think he does it?" asked Agent Jackson.

"He is obviosly a parody of Neo." stated Agent Thompson.

"We will defend Kazzy." said the Jackupids as they attacked the Agents. It was a great plan, but Caligula II liked the Agents better so they destroyfied the Jackupids.

"System error... error...error..." said one Jack as it died.

"I'll be back. NOT" said another one.

"Now I know why you are assholes...but it's something I can never be." said a third one.

"NOOOOOOOOO! Jackupids!" moaned Kazzy.

"That was easy. Now would you please, Mr. Mishima." stated Agent Johnson.

"Never! I shall lovefy you with my LOVE SAC!" stated Kazzy as he activated the said weapon. It had no effect whatsoever on the Agents.

"Any resistance is futile Mr. Mishima." stated Agent Johnson.

"Stop where you are, you feelingless sonofabitch." said a voice behind the Agents as they turned to see Jin and Julia.

"Why does everone appear like that? This fanfic sux." said Kazzy and was instantly incinerated by a lightningbolt.

"OMG! They killed Kazzy! You bastards!" shouted Julia.

"He's not dead. He's just taking a break." said Jin nonchalantely.

"How do you know?" asked Julia.

"It's called comic book death." replied Jin.

"Ohmigosh Jin. You are soooo smart." said Julia in awe.

"Yeah, whatever." said Jin.

"Mr. Kazama. I suggest you restrain yourself from interfering. We are in the process of arresting a very dangerous criminal." warned Agent Johnson.

"Fuck of you Matrix wannabe!" shouted Julia.

"Whoa, what a temper." said Jin, impressed for the first time.

"You think that you can just arrest Jin's dad like that? Well fuck you!" continued Julia.

"Yeah...What she said." said Jin.

"If you think that you can run around the world busting people, you've got another thing coming!" shouted Julia as she kickafyed the Agents' asses.

"I think I'm in love." said Jin with a huge-eyes face.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scourned." stated Agent Johnson as he blew up.

"Speaking of fury..." said Christie who was mysteriosly ignored by Caligula II for the entire chapter. "Here comes Bryan."

"Here... hic...comes the bride. Here comes the ... hic...bride." sang Bryan in a drunken voice.

"What the fuck happened to him?" asked Kazzy who was mysteriosly revived.

"He was supposed to be our best man, but he was gone." explained Christie.

"Yo, say hello to my...hic...little friend." and instead of pulling out a gun, he introduced Dragunov who was even more wasted.

"Zdravstvuy!" saluted Dragunov in Russian. "Camarad Dragunov like American psycho frend."

"Yeah... friend." said Bryan.

"Ve celebrat St. Triphun, holiday of people vho get veery drinky." stated Dragunov.

"Yeah... drinky." said Bryan

"Nina von't get drinky so she dump me... Camarad Dragunov sad." cried Dragunov.

"Yeah...sad." said Bryan.

"Me get more drinky to make sad gone, but it bekome more big." cried Dragunov even more.

"Yeah...big." repeated Bryan.

"I know what will mend your broken heart." said Kazzy happily.

"Vat? Tell Camarad Dragunov and I repay you with ten chickens and eight eels!" begged Dragunov.

"Well..." started Kazzy but was cut short by Jin.

"Dad! That's what got you into this in the first place! Stop it immediately!" shouted Jin.

"But look. I make people happy." said Kazzy.

"Oh sure. Christie's wedding is a mess, Dragunov and Bryan are wasted beyond imagination, Lee is straight and..." Jin broke off as he recaled that his dad did one good thing. "...I fell in love with Julia." Jin chuckled. "I guess you are not a complete loser."

"That's my boy." said Kazzy proudly as Jin and Julia planted a juicy kiss on each others lips. They were truly happy together.

"Hey... let's get drunk." suggested Bryan.

----------------------------------------------------------

_Epilogue_

Julia and Jin were passionately making out like they were in a world of their own.

Kazzy was put in the assylum again and was restrained for more security. They said that they will release him as soon as he got rid of his holiday fetish.

Dragunov and Bryan sobered up eventualy and Dragunov re-hooked with Nina. Bryan turned bisexual and dated Hwoarang.

Lee was regayfied after he read "The Selfish Giant" by Oscar Wylde. He worked hard and regained his refined ways.

Ganryu was convicted for stalking. Michelle threw a wild party in celebration and everybody got drunk except Eddy who was on drugs.

Lili managed to revive her boyfriend's asses and they got into a fight which the guy did not survive.

Christie dumped Eddy and got together with Astaroth of Soul Calibur. Eddy was arrested for gangbanging.

Caligula II managed to struggle out of depression and gained some self-esteem. He plans to create another fic but some time in the future. Right now he is tired like fuck.

He would like to thank: Wait-for-Sleep, mirrors of illusion, SepirothBeatrix, jineye and everybody who took their time to review.

He would also appreciate a good night sleep yawn.

I'll be back...eventualy.


End file.
